bureaubaggins

bureaubaggins:

bureaubaggins:

bulletgost:

How hard is it to find an Over/Under shotgun that isn’t total garbage but isn’t also a gorillion dollars.

DO YOU YEARN FOR A TIME WHEN POLIO AND RACISM WERE SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE?

WELL GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU PROBABLY WATCH OLD PEOPLE PORNOGRAPHY.

DO YOU LOVE ALL THE LATEST GADGETS AND TACTICOOL DOODADS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A MEMBER OF SEAL TEAM 999?

WELL YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF TOO, YOU COMMUNAZI EXTREMIST.

I’M HERE FOR THE SHOTGUN THAT ANSWERED THE QUESTION FUCKING NOBODY EVER ASKED- THE MAVERICK HS12 “THUNDER RANCH” BY MOSSBERG. IT COMBINES THE ABSOLUTE WORSE OF BOTH WORLDS IN A SINGLE CONVENIENT PACKAGE.

LOOK AT IT. IT’S UGLY. MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY THAT SHIT IS IT ON TOP OF BLINDS. WHAT THE FUCK?

IN THE HS12, MOSSBERG MANAGED TO CREATE THE WORST MIX POSSIBLE OF CLASSIC STYLING, TACTICOOL BULLSHIT, AND AWKWARD PROPORTIONS.

THE MOSSBERG HAS A CAPACITY OF 2+0. FUCK YOU. YOU DON’T NEED FUCKING MAGAZINES. MAGAZINES ARE FOR 16 YEAR OLD GIRLS TO READ ABOUT ONE DIRECTION.

"FUCKING SHIT, BITCHES. THIS MOTHERFUCKER BE ALL ‘BLAT BLAT’ BUT BE ALL EMPTY. BITCHES DON’T NEED NO MOTHAFUCKIN WEAPONS OF WAR. NOW ‘SCUSE ME WHILE I TAKE A SHIT WHILE MY ARMED GUARD WATCHES."
-JOE BIDEN

YOU WANT FUCKING RAILS? NO? FUCK YOU. MOSSBERG PUTS RAILS ON A DOUBLE BARREL JUST BECAUSE IT FUCKING CAN. MOSSBERG DON’T GIVE A SINGLE SHIT.

MANY AN OVER/UNDER OWNER HAS NEVER THOUGHT TO THEMSELVES “YOU KNOW WHAT? I FUCKING NEED SOME FUCKING CHEESE GRATERS TO INTERRUPT THE LINES OF MY SHOTGUN”, BUT MOSSBERG MADE THE GUN TO SUIT THEIR NON-EXISTANT NEEDS ANYWAY.

THIS MAN IS TRYING TO LOOK AT THIS GUN LOVINGLY, BUT YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY SEE THAT THIS IS THE WORST MOMENT OF HIS LIFE.

OF COURSE, EVERYONE’S FAVORITE FEATURE IS THE MIX OF FUCKED TO DEATH PROPORTIONS, UGLY POLYMER FURNITURE, AND TACTICOOL RAILS EVERYWHERE. THIS SPECIAL BLEND MAKES THE HS12 PHYSICALLY PAINFUL TO LOOK AT, WHILE OFFERING LITTLE TO NO FUCTIONAL ADVANTAGE.

THEY SAY FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION, BUT THE MOSSBERG HS12 HAS MANAGED TO BE A SHOTGUN WHICH HAS NEITHER FORM NOR FUNCTION.


PICTURED IS A MAN TRYING TO MAKE THIS GUN LOOK COOL, BUT FAILING MISERABLY. HE PROBABLY FOLLOWED UP WITH THIS PHOTOSHOOT WITH 17 CHEESEBURGERS AND AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS. IT WAS FOR NOT, THOUGH. NOT EVEN FAST FOOD AND ALCOHOL COULD WASH THE SHAME FROM HIS BODY.

SO WHY WOULD YOU SPEND AS MUCH ON THIS GUN AS YOU WOULD ON A PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL PUMP-ACTION?

FUCK IF I KNOW.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, I WANT ONE, AND YOU PROBABLY WANT ONE TOO. UNLESS YOU’RE SOME SORT OF COMMUNAZI.

never forget

the-white-salami